Contact (Maybe..?)

Yeah, so...if you wanna get in touch, just click somewhere on the right. Anywhere, really...and if you don't find what you're looking for, just keep looking! Or don't. It's cool. Have a nice day! =D

About (Nothing Much)

Joe Shmoe & Sons imagine that sound tree-hugger practices add up. Our efficient approach is designed to respect Mother Earth, cut down our water use, reuse garage sale shit, and cut down on all them mutant greenhouse and energy bunny pollutants. Holla!

Show Tender, Loving Kindness To The Dirt! (Yeah, That's Right -- Get Down On Your Knees & Kiss That Shit!)

Here's how all this madness is gonna go down:

• Using biological procedures to avoid excessive use of chemical sprays (Mace in yo' face!). Natural gas is how it's passed. ;)
• Corn rows planted with bug-repellent features (such as fugly bucktoothed scarecrows) to reduce pesticide use.
• Epsom salts used to toughen skins and induce explosive Hershey squirts (get ready to quarantine your crib), decreasing pressure like none other! Have some milk and cookies to ease the fire between your ass cheeks. You're welcome! ;)
• 100 % natural seaweed (and some natural weed -- yeah, we got you! =D) fertilisers used as a nice alternative to synthetics (Yeah, that nastiness will fuck you up!)
• Multi-tasking vineyard gear (for wine-pressing mofos who don't like squishing grapes between their toes...eewwww! =P) used to lower the amount of tractor passes in your vineyard.
• Planting authentic organic green grass to prevent soil erosion.
• Avoidance of heavy machinery to decrease soil compression & compaction.
• Cut down H2O use -- just use gin & tonic and some lemon juice. Done & done!
• Vineyard moisture is delivered via a drip-based system to make better use of drinking water resources.
• Productive winery pattern results in lower water use in cellars - 45% less than the vineyard industry standard
• Winery roof covering rainwater picked up and utilised - lone source of winery water
• All winery waste material water viewed and used on-site using biological unit and woodlot cure
• Recycling
• Making an earnest attempt to recycle newspaper, cardboard, glass material, and plastic waste products as much as friggin' possible.
Recycled products and services take up all the space. Suck it, bitch! (Just kidding..jeez, don't be so sensitive! ;))
• Signatory to the Australian Packaging Covenant. (Sounds pretty fancy, doesn't it! Hahaha...)
• Cut down on electrical power use and greenhouse fart bubble emissions.
• Winery complexes and tanks that are seriously insulated to get rid of energy fill.
• Aesop's Hillsides Wine Section has an environmental leadership tool to be used by all relapsing winos.

Monitor and report green dwelling gas pollutants to whoever the fuck you want. Okay, bye! And don't forget to scarf down your imaginary milk and cookies!

Welcome Stranger!

The Sharlton Environmental Stewards' Conservation Guild is an advisory body on green-behind-the-ears issues into the Town Board and all other town panels and committees. This shall include reviews of new city laws as they're presented as well as other planning and zoning applications to make suggestions about the ecological impacts of those applications and recommendations.

Occasionally, and as determined by the Village People Board, the Guild will profoundly analyze and openly share beautiful recommendations on many different environmental concerns, such as how to smoke weed in public by using vaporizers instead of paper wrappers or bongs. The Commission shall also encourage free expression and shared usage of common bodily functions and deliver really shitty advice that encourages good green vomit routines by local drug dealers and should certainly act as the rectal interface regarding the Town and County for environmentally hostile issues.

Now go get high or shitfaced and forget you ever read this crap. Good day!